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| But I need 2 personal references to vouch for me. If you're interested in helping a brotha out please please email me your name, address, phone #, how long I've known you, and occupation.
Ditto if you want to be my in case of emergency contact. :)
email me @ BruinOtwo@hotmail.com
Thank you!
(Two other people may be interested in the place too soooo...I have to beat em to this.)
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| Reading Jack's blog ( http://www.dadjack.com/dj/ ) makes me think...am I too old to have a lunchbox? Not just a simple steel box, but I want one with a thermos too. When did we stop carrying around lunch boxes? Did we all one day decide a lunch box isnt cool? Did Jr. High and High School ruin all the fun things of our childhoods just because it just wasn't "cool" anymore? Well...screw it...I've never been cool to begin with...I want a lunch box (WITH A THERMOS!) ANDDDDDDDDDDD...I want to stick a baseball card or two in between the rims of my car (I dont think it'll work though) ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDD...I want to throw down a plank on top of a mound of dirt and jump over it with my car (Yeah, I dont think this will work.) Come to think of it...I also want a baseball sticker yearbook (http://cgi.ebay.com/TOPPS-BASEBALL-1985-BASEBALL-STICKER-YEARBOOK_W0QQitemZ310163199173QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item48372ad4c5&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14), unstarted, and several packs of stickers that I can go through so I can put them in the yearbook (sports card collecting went to hell right after I grew out of it...so sad...no one wants to pay $12 for a pack of 6 cards...and this was back in 1994.). I also want it to be WWF again, it'll never been WWE to me, besides their wrestlers suck (stop trying to be so "cool")! Funny thing happens when you visit wikipedia...one old school wrestler's profile will pull you into another and another and another. I bet you if you ask my brother who Bastion Booger is...he'll know. Even the Brooklyn Brawlers of the world...I'll always remember a certain win of his (which for some reason I remember as being his first ever...but proven otherwise here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guhgq-UuCq4 ) after God knows how many years of him being that fall guy for the big name wrestlers...I got as excited for that victory as I did the first time I knocked out Mike Tyson. I actually enjoyed watching the big name dudes (The Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase and his bodyguard Virgil) demolish the fall guy wrestlers who used their real name (Mike Smith) and then have Mike (who?) do something sick because he lost. No one has "managers" anymore (Miss Elisabeth and Mr. Fuji)...that's so sad. I miss Hulk Hogan being someone you looked up to...instead of this douchbag that we all know. I miss the 1,2,3-Kid...they went ahead and f*cked it up trying to make wrestling "cool"...eff you "X-Pac"! Ultimate Warrior vs Hulk Hogan use to be a once in a lifetime matchup...now...seen on a daily basis...*yawn*. I'll settle for keeping one thing...making paper airplanes which I brought back a couple of days ago by trying to land them inside a just out of reach recycling bin. I failed with my first 3 attempts (all currently displayed on the edge of my cubical)...the fourth, and first, successful flight...flying right into the box about an hour ago. Hell yeah! I think I could go on for days... but...I have to get back to work...daydreaming of bodyslamming or Razor's Edging someone...WITH A THERMOS not too far away. | | |
| Keep reading...this gets good, sick twist towards the end.
Soooo...I'm walking to my truck this afternoon, fully entrenched and consumed with thoughts of doing my tri-weekly run at the beach. I noticed a guy riding up from the alley in my direction... but I didnt think anything of it. I open my truck, throw down my bag in the front passenger seat, then swing on back to the back seat behind me to take secure my wallet and phone (I leave these locked up in my truck). Suddenly, without warning, I hear behind me...."you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen". "The fuck", I think, half thinking "Oh I know YOU'RE not talking about me, so.... where's this prettiest girl he's ever seen?" I look back at the dude and he utters, "oh, nevermind". I look around HOPING, HOPING BEYOND HOPE, that there's a "pretty girl" around me...but...to my surprise...nope!
THE FUCK!!! I'm neither girl...or pretty, although I do have my charms, but you wont know them unless you've met me...BUT STILL!!! Although I must say, I do have a sexy butt...keep in mind, I have a shaved/buzzed haircut, sooo...what the hell??? Damn, my man boobs must have been on point today!!!!
LOL.
Funniest thing I've ever been a part of, EVER!
And that's how I became...."The prettiest girl someone's ever seen." | | |
| Sorry, sometimes I post blogs over on myspace and forget to transpose them overhere. A little outdated I'm sure, so ignore the "todays" and "yesterdays" in this.
It started off as a peaceful day in the desert.
We were having a productive day today.
We had to go back to the yard to replenish our well completion supplies...I need a restroom break plus had to pick up my truck. In retrospect, really crazy of me to be okay leaving the vehicle behind.
All of a sudden, I look to my left...I'm already very convinced that I'm manifesting snakes everywhere I go. In irrational places sometimes. LOL. Rewind a bit from this stage in the day...about a half hour ago I had looked over to my right front wheel well and could have SWORN to have seen a slithering something or other...I did a double take and nah...nothing there...
Return to present time...looking to my left, I think..what the fuck is that??? Oh god, I'm seeing snakes everywhere. Double take and see...
Oh...hell no. Not again...
Is that "MY" snake?
Call over the driller and my coworker is there this time around..."What the fuck is that?" I uttered..followed by..."Is that "my" snake?". Of course the driller can't help it and says..."dude, you've been driving around with it all weekend long...It was in your truck!" Shut up dude...you're not helping...shut up. LMFAO.
There's a MAJOR difference between having some unknown, possibly dangerous wildlife IN/ON your truck versus it being on the ground crawling around...this allowed me to be a little less pussified and to capture a few pics. (Luckily, my phone was still alive for these pics.)
(Hmmm....now I see how it climbed into my truck.)
(Yes, it got into the insulation!)
I called into the office...let my temporary supervisor know..."Hey, I GOT YOUR PICTURES!" Call the base biologist who tells me..oh yeah, that's probably just a gopher snake...I'm not going to go out there for that...just leave him be and he'll leave on its own. Alright...awesome...not to worry...
But fuck it...a snake's a snake. And no way am I getting any closer than that...OR CAN I...
I feel a little less pussified taking these shots, so thank you snake...thank you for coming back. (And, getting me all paranoid about snakes ANYWHERE once again.) For some reason, I'm able to post these pics though...which is a major relief. Side note: Family will remember how grandma use to be TERRIFIED of snakes...I guess you can say, "I get it from my [grand]ma!"
Cherry on top of this sundae funday little story.
Today was my final day out there...I'm needed back in the office...completely relieved, I had a great time working with the guys. Say my cyas....and actually run into them again when one of them forgets his keys in his jacket and have to return back. On my way out, barely 5 minutes out, and still on what's know as "South Base"...quite fittingly, I look over to the oncoming traffic lane and...yup...SNAKE...possibly squished...no se. What was strange about this is that a raven has taken a spot near it...and is POKING the snake with it's beak. Expecting it to be dead...holy smokes did it catch my attention when out of the blue the snake takes a swift strike at the bird. The bird managed to get away, but I'm sure he went back to pecking at it. I wont know...I decided I wasnt going to stick around for THIS one. | | |
| This is a tale of how much a pussy I am...and...a baby 3-5 foot snake.
Twas a normal Friday afternoon in the land of Edwards AFB.
The drillers were unloading,
They were cleaning up.
(I dont know why I thought I decided to start this like a poem. lol. Just ignore it, I've had a rough [yet sad, errr, shall I say pathetic...] day, cut me a break.)
I was in the trailer...writing yet another post on the JJS Boards. How can you call someone an idiot when you CAN'T SPELL!!!
All of a sudden I hear..."CHRIS CHRIS, COME OUT, LOOK....CHRIS!!!"
You know how things are when you rush right? Your goal, whatever you're trying to do, will be an absolute failure...and this was no exception. Crazy winds had moved the steps to the lab section and had blocked the door. Hard as I tried, I couldn't get out. Eventually the driller storms in from the other door yelling for me. "Chris, where are you??? Come out, you have to see this..." he shouted...I'm still trying to bust out from the lab door...I'm quite the stubborn fellow it seems. Eventually I head over to the other door.
"Chris...come out there's a snake in the back of your truck." The fuck...shut up...I guess I should humor the guys (surely they're playing and trick) and come look, when HOLY SHIT...THERE'S A FUCKING SNAKE IN THE BED OF MY TRUCK!!! (This will come to play later.) I stand there on the metal stairs looking yonder at the bed of my truck...and what appears to be a yellowish and black speckled snake. No fucking way I'm getting near that! TSF!
I call in the office and have no idea how to explain this to my field supervisor. I absolutely stump the dude and tells me he'll see what he can do. AS SOON AS I HANG UP...PHONE DIES! My charger....in the truck...the car charger...well duh, in the truck as well.
Somehow, we ALL (myself, the driller and his two helpers) stop paying attention briefly and the motherfucking snake has disappeared. At this point I "brave' something other than the stairs and walk over...the sucker is no where to be seen. "Chris, you better put up the window in the back of your truck." I guess I feel better getting closer if I cant see the sucker. Of course, in my mind snakes have this..."snakes in a can" type ability and wildly believe ALL snakes are like this. After about 15-30 minutes...still dont see the snake...bang bang bang all over the truck. I jokingly say that I'm never going to be able to go home again.
One of the helpers, the first guy on the scene claims he saw the snake in the hood. WTF? Of course the other two guys make fun of him. After several more minutes I decide fuck it...say my last goodbyes to the drillers..."I'll see you monday, If im still alive." Kind of, sort of come to my senses and tell the guys...fuck it, I'm going home, "you know that thing's going to pop out of no where inside the cab and I'm just going to jump out of the car...or crash into the median." Guys walk away and I shut down everything, lock up the trailer and HOLY FUCK..THERE IT IS AGAIN...peeking it's little baby head near the fog lights of my truck...YUP...UP IN THE FRONT!!!
I wave at the guys who hurry over excitedly. At this point, I recognize the story this is becoming....and I curse the fact that my phone's dead...hell of a photo op!!! Still wholly freaked out, though. A small part of me wants to yell out at the guys...WAIT...LET ME CHARGE MY PHONE...I GOTTA GET THIS PICTURE!!! Eventually I come back to my irrational senses and decided I WANT THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT OF MY TRUCK! Eventually the other helper, second on the scene nudges the snake outside my truck, and it slithers out and hides under a wooden cabinet thing.
You'd think I'd be relieved as all hell, but oh hell no... I'm freaked out about riding in my truck. Even "imagine" one striking at my face. As soon as I could, however, I move my truck away from the scene of the crime...make a few phone calls, wait for the drillers to leave. Eventually I take off...but not without the irrational fear that I still have a MOTHERFUCKING SNAKE IN MY TRUCK! I gingerly step on the gas and brakes, with the phrase, "make no sudden moves", floating in my head.
I eventually roll into Costco....despite the snake fear...I decide it's smart to fill up with gas here...and in the mean time get some dinner. Mmmm pizza and polish sausage. Park the truck and start walking....im suddenly aware that every step is calculated...every vehicle is inspected (by me) for snakes until I go inside...should stop there right? NO...even in costco, ever step is measured...not sure what my brain is expecting...but damn, it cant be that serious!
I twittered a couple of times asking if they think this is normal? I know it's not...but in a way I find it very funny...in the...oh shit I'm going to die, kind of way. LOL. I manage to navigate back to my truck and head over to fill up with gas. Have my "dinner" start filling up and look over to one side...a guy is looking under his car....checking his tires...I jokingly think...OH HE HAS A SNAKE TOO!!! HAHAHHA. Look to the other side...see a white chick waving over at me...or what appears to be waving at me...seemed to be doing the same while we were waiting for our turn at the pump. I decide the day has brought on too much already...no time for an "adventure with the opposite sex" today.
"I can sleep this off right?"
"All I need is a little alcohol, right?"
3 Sierra Nevada Pale Ale's later...lets me know that yeah.."all i need is a little alcohol."
*sigh*
What a fucking day...with motherfucking snakes.
PS. YES LADY GAGA'S JUST DANCE... I came on right after the stop at Costco...and you know what...that shit worked..."Just Dance".
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